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Unhappily Ever After: Part One
Published May 21, 2011


Written By

spladoum

Storyteller
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"Unhappily Ever After" is a joint collaboration between YrS92 and me, featuring two of our more outrageous characters. This will go on as long as we deem necessary and will probably not get any better with time. So feel free to boo, hiss, and pitch rotten produce to your heart's content! :D

Many thanks to RicciNumbers who is responsible for the custom wedding cake. ;)

"Unhappily Ever After" is a joint collaboration between YrS92 and me, featuring two of our more outrageous characters. This will go on as long as we deem necessary and will probably not get any better with time. So feel free to boo, hiss, and pitch rotten produce to your heart's content! :D

Many thanks to RicciNumbers who is responsible for the custom wedding cake. ;)
Meet Jared Frio.

He had a younger brother named Connor. They had parents too, but those people aren't important.

What is important is that Jared was a classic bully and Connor was a classic nerd. As if having an older brother wasn't already traumatic and mortifying enough, Connor had to deal with his big brother picking on him constantly. Instead of defending him from fights, Jared often started them!
"You're gonna be sorry one day!" Connor insisted while picking up his scattered books, and Jared would just laugh at him and tell him to go on home and bleed all over his nerd stuff and quit trying to be tough. Time passed. When Connor grew up, he went into journalism at age 18. By age 20 he had changed careers and become a parole officer. His first assignments all went bad. Criminals generally committed crime, which was still pretty much illegal. Parolees usually screwed up in no time flat, which meant they went back to jail and he could forget about them.

His ninth assignment was a 24-year-old woman who'd been in jail since she was a 19-year-old girl. Her name was Rosalind King.
When Jared grew up, he went into the restaurant business.

Actually, that was a lie. Jared never went into any business. Jared had a court order to provide child support for a woman that he didn't entirely remember having relations with. But 'DNA don't lie,' as the lawyers said, and so Jared got the first job he could and managed to keep it for quite some time.

Gordy's would never be fine dining. It was adjacent to the hospital for a reason! Still though, people paid money to eat there and that was all he cared about.
One day that idiot Connor came marching in and all but ordered Jared to give Rosalind a job at Gordy's. Jared said no. Several times. But somehow that weasel brother of his changed his mind, and Rosalind came in, and ... well, actually, she wasn't half-bad.

That is, until the day her old mob boss came looking for her and she set the whole restaurant on fire and illegally fled the country.
So after that, Jared decided that Rosalind King needed a good solid butt-kicking. But before he could deliver the boot of justice to Rosalind's behind, Connor the screw-up decided to marry her. And that just put a damper on the whole thing. Because you can beat up your brother, but you can't really get away with beating up your SISTER. So. Jared couldn't work at Gordy's anymore because the new owners wouldn't hire him--they kept saying that he would get them shut down for health code violations. Jared joked that he was pretty much on a first name basis with the health inspector but they didn't seem to think that was very funny.

After a few months, he found a new job as a prep cook at the Bistro. Which was really too bad, because that meant that his baby's momma was his boss. It didn't make for very nice coffee breaks.
And some days he thought she just might be out to get him. Like the day that a huge party order came in and he volunteered to cater it.

"No," she said immediately.
"It's a Friday. All of the chefs are coming in. You can afford to spare me."

"Yes, but I can't afford to have you poisoning a whole party of bluebloods!"

"I'm getting better! Hot foods hot, cold foods cold. I got it."

"Any idiot working a lunch counter knows that!"

Jared smiled. She sighed. "... maybe not the best example. The answer is still no."
"Fine," Jared yelled as he walked out of the cramped office. "You already know everyone else in here hates working catering jobs. Call 'em back and tell 'em you don't need that §2500 order. It'll probably be more business than you'll get in the restaurant all night. See if I care."

He heard the boss grinding her teeth as he left and he laughed to himself. Ah, reverse psychology.
Meet Jo D'Haleine.

Josephine Marie D’Haleine had arrived in Foxgrove only recently after divorcing her husband of roughly one year. The reason for her divorce had not been the fact she had not loved her husband. No, she could have spent her life with George just fine, if it had not been for her ex-boyfriend, who also happened to be her daughter’s father. He had found her and offered her a substantial sum of money, if she would disappear from their lives, including her daughter’s.

For most women this would have been a struggle, but not for Jo! After all, she could always have more kids!
Now that she was a wealthy young woman, Josephine had decided Riverview wasn't good enough anymore. She threw her cheap shoes at a map on the floor and watched where the heels made marks. A place called Barnacle Bay and a place called Foxgrove. Foxgrove sounded sorta fancy; Barnacle Bay just sounded stinky. Not having the slightest clue what her destination was like, Josephine packed her designer bags and called the travel agency.

Josephine’s natural charms-- her money and a fancy French name--soon gained her access to Foxgrove’s more affluent social circles and one night Josephine was to attend a gala at the Foxgrove art museum to support some lousy charity or something. Jo couldn't have cared less about any charity, but she never missed a chance to show off a pair of new shoes!
Jared woke up on the floor. This was fairly normal for him. It was not normal for him to wake up next to a pair of fancy women's shoes in his own house. He blinked hard and grumbled.

"Ma tête," a voice groaned above him. For the first time, he became aware that he wasn't alone in the room.
Some chick was draped all over his bed! What the hell! He'd slept on the floor because some broad was in HIS bed?

"Hey!" he shouted. At least if he hadn't been blitzed it would have been a shout. Instead it came out as a mumble. "Hey you! Whaddya doin' in my bed?"

“Je n’ai aucun idée, monsieur... “
She kept talking in ... what was that, Pig Latin or something? Jared listened until she got on his nerves, which was almost immediately. He cut off her explanation with "Look here, lady! I'm gonna take a shower. If you're still here by the time I come back, there's gonna be trouble." When he came back, she was still there. She had put on her shoes. But she was still there! "What the hell! Did you NOT hear me tell you to leave? Get out!"

“Vous voulez que je m’en aille? Excusez-moi monsieur, mais je n’ai aucun idée où je suis! Ma pauvre tête… J’ai bu trop de champagne… Mon Dieu, j’ai vraiment mal au cheveux…“
Jared didn't understand a word she was saying. Hopefully what that jibber-jabber she was talking meant 'I need cab fare.' He picked up his wallet and offered her a §10. "Here, take this--"

“What?! Do you not know who I am? ‘Ow dare you, what kind of girl do you theenk I am?! Idiot, imbécile, abruti! Salaud! Why deed I not wear ‘igher ‘eels so I could give your manly beets a good kick?!”

"Waitaminnit, you speak English? Why the hell didn't you do that before instead of talking all that crazy talk--"
“Moron, ees French! All I know that you were at the gala last night and so was I! You were the chef! Mon Dieu, eet was thee most ‘orrible food I ‘ave ever eaten… You are not a good chef, pas du tout! So I was drinking champagne… a lot of champagne… And now I am ‘ere… with you! And you are not even decently clothed… my head ... my poor, poor head …” But by now Jared's own head was spinning. He could barely understand a word that she shouted at him, even in English!

Only two things were clear: they had met, probably the night before, and she had come home with him. Now, of course, the questions were: Why did a chick like this come home with HIM, and how the hell was he supposed to get her back out of the house?

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24 Comment(s) so far


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#15TheNumbersWomanMay 22, 2011

I was wondering what you wanted a cake with a hatchet in it for :p:P
 

#16ohgodcaitlynMay 23, 2011

You deserved the feature yet again! <3

#17RatRaceRobMay 23, 2011

LOL... Jared, you so don't rock... and yet you so do... this little rich girl's going to be trouble for you, I'm guessing, what with the sneak peek at your wedding cake \:cool\: \:D

#18Milii454May 25, 2011

I love both of your stories and the characters so therefore I adore the collaboration! Laughed a lot (especially "Criminals generally committ crimes, which is illegal" still making me giggle \:D ) and intrigued by the cake. Can't wait for more! \:rah\:

#19MangioMay 26, 2011

The best collaboration \:D Congrats on a well deserved feature \:rah\: Everything was just fantastic.. how did Josephine end up in his room? That party must've been a blast.. Patiently waiting for more \;\)

#20oldmember_hopeth174Jun 20, 2011

Hahaha, Josephine's French accent is the best. I love this!

#21ShelleyBJun 22, 2011

This is too much!! In most of my games, the Frio boys are both "bad to the bone." I've found a whole new series to catch up on now so I can understand Jo; what a cow (How do you say that in French? \;\)  )  Thanks for continuing to write such habit-forming stories!!

#22HellsaintJul 7, 2011

This is a fantastic start, really really like the writing style. \;\)

#23chloe_bubbAug 20, 2011

ok that was so good to good these not a name for how good it was
\:rah\: 

#24Foxi_iveyAug 23, 2011

Jo is really REALLY odd.  I like it \:D

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